Are you Being Abused?

Shepherd's Rest Ministries, Inc.

Warning Signs of Battering Behavior

Abusers demonstrate a series of behaviors which come from their desire for power and control. The more behaviors that an abuser displays, the more dangerous the situation may be. The behaviors typically exhibited by abusers include:

	Destructive criticism/verbal abuse -name calling, mocking, accusing, humiliating
	Pressure tactics -sulking, threatening to withhold money, manipulating children
	Abusing authority- always claiming to be right, making big decisions
	Disrespect- not listening and responding, putting down in front of family/friends
	Abusing trust -lying, withholding information, cheating/being unfaithful
	Breaking promises -not following through; not taking fair share of responsibility
	Emotional withholding -not expressing feelings; not respecting feelings or rights
	Minimizing, denying and blaming -saying abuse didn't happen
	Economic control -refusing to give money or taking money; not letting her work
	Self-destructive behaviors -abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide
	Isolation -preventing or making it difficult to see friends or family
	Harassment -following; checking up; embarrassing her in public
	Intimidation -making angry or threatening gestures; driving recklessly
	Destruction -destroying possessions, punching walls; breaking things
	Threats -making or carrying out threats to hurt her or others
	Sexual violence -using force or coercion to obtain sex or to perform sexual acts
	Physical violence -punching, hitting, slapping, strangling, biting, burning, stabbing
	Use of weapons -using or threatening to use weapons

Below is the Cycle of Violence Wheel
Do you or someone you know live this cycle?

Three stages.

Tension-Building

Increased tension, anger, blaming and arguing. This phase may last a week, months, or years. However, it usually becomes more frequent as the cycle is repeated. It typically involves an increase in verbal and minor physical abuse. Sometimes this is enough to frighten the victim into submission. The victim knows what will happen if he/she does not comply. At this point the victim may be amenable to sources of help.

Violence

Battering-hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects or weapons. Sexual abuse. Verbal threats and abuse. During this phase the batterer loses the desire or ability to control his/her anger and violence. The batterer learns that this type of action helps to "relieve stress" and "change behavior". Just following this episode the batterer and the partner are most likely to seek help. The partner is hurt and scared, and the batterer is feeling ashamed, guilty and humiliated.

Seduction or Honeymoon

This stage may decrease over time. The batterer may deny violence; say he/she was drunk, say sorry and promise that it will never happen again. The victim is least amenable to help at this point. However, the batterer may be most open to help at the start of this phase because typically, he/she is remorseful and wishes to please (keep) the partner. At the peak of this stage both parties may deny or distort what has occurred.

Then, Phase 1 begins again... The truth is that change is unlikely unless you get help. The victims want to believe the abuser when they promise it will never happen again, but in most cases it does. It not only recurs, but escalates each time. Studies indicate that most abusers who seek professional help do so only after their partners have left. Otherwise, they have no incentive to change

Power and Control Wheel

What Should I do?

The first step is to recognize what is happening. It is hard to accept that you are being abused by someone you love. Look over the types of abuse. Do any of the behaviors apply to your life? Take it seriously. Realize you are not alone, and you didn't cause or deserve the abuse. Tell trusted adults and friends. Call the authorities if you've been assaulted or in danger. Call our hotline at 770-443-5213.

What to do if you are an abuser

If you are an abuser, there are steps you can take as well. Admit that you are hurting someone and make a commitment to stop. Talk to trusted adults and friends about your problem. Call a hotline for help.